难过。。。

我好难过。。。为什么我连这样也会做不好。。 我很努力了。。已经做好十足的准备了却还是没有成功。。我到底是哪里出问题了。。？
我记得我明明有向耶稣求救，请求他帮我。。让我不紧张。。可是为什么我还是不能控制自己。。

为什么要让我睡不着，让我生病，让我不能集中精神。。。
我好气你啊。。真的好气。。为什么没有在我很需要你的时候帮我。。。
可是这一切都过了。。
好希望你能抱抱我。。叫我振作起来。。。那是不可能的吧。。。因为这都过掉了。。不管现在说什么，都没有用了。。因为该哭的都哭了。。该伤我的都伤了。。我也会忘记的。。

算了。。我只能故做坚强。。跟自己说：“ 加油米雪！！这只是小事罢了， 那是善意的谎言！”

我只希望我相信的人。。不会背叛我。。让我失望。。 :)

Dishearten Me

Today we got back our test papers.
This is the very first time i failed in my exam
Well , i failed my maths paper.
To be honest , i thought i can do well in my paper 1 which i was able to complete most of the questions
Out of my expectation , i did badly...='(

Our MUET teacher ( a considerate person ), tell us a lot of examples of whom she knows that also gone through form 6 before.

She says : ' If you think you really cant take this , you better runaway.'
Mulling over and over , how i wish i can leave.But...where can i go? I have no direction of which path to go for , NONE.!

When i reached home , i saw my mum washing dishes in the kitchen
I didnt know how to tell my mum about my result
so i think i'd better just keep quiet~
until she approached and asked me

Mum : ' How is your result?'

Me: ' I fail my maths '

Mum:' HA?! '

I didnt reply , i was just too lazy to answer her.

Then before she went to work she asked me to come forward and tell her bout the detail of my academic performance.

She didnt scold me but say is good enough as i only fail one subject since this is my very first time ==''

Actually i would want to seek some advices from her about whether should leave form 6 or not
Her respond shows very clearly that she wants me to continue form 6..( speechless )

The whole noon i was thinking bout this
SO TOUGH! HOW CAN I GET THROUGH THIS??!!

I started to feel despair.
I have no courage to study hard like what i did in form 5~
In form 5 , i study hard in the hope of getting scholarship to have the opportunity to get into university
But i get nothing in the end..
Form six is totally different
This is not the same like A level
Yes A-level is tough but STPM is tougher
You can always resit for your paper if you fail when u are studying in uni , unlike form 6 , you just have to throw out everything that u have learnt throughout these years in just a few hours.
What more can you say ? OH please just admit that STPM is much harder than A-level then
Form 6 is not the same like SPM which i have the confidence to score
This is STPM , what if i struggle so hard and still couldn't get what i want?

This always happen in Malaysia
Yeah , where Malays and Bumiputeras are to be prioritized
What to do?

Just ENDURE AND MOVE ON~

I surrender everything to you Lord , i know You will show me the way :)

The Past and The Present

I was shocked when i found this picture,
murmured: ' People take picture you sneeze! Plus why are you so fat??! '
( Luckily you are still young =S)

I felt a little bit uneasy when i look at this second photo
grumbling: " Who put on lipstick on lips?! and why is there a big hibiscus around my ear=='
( Perhaps this is the fashion at that time =X )

I laughed all the way when it comes to this picture

that time i must be thinking : ' Yea~i am the prettiest girl in this world'

( look at the way i smile , full of confidence! =D )

I felt happy as think this photo shows the best attire among all

why you so happy? Perhaps i felt high as thats the first time i went to the muzeum =D

Act Cute XD
I got no idea why am i posing that way, should never do this at this age

Or else , it looks awkward la =Q

Formal + a little bit sad wei ==

but at least this one is much normal and it shows that i am clever too
( LOL ! wondering how can i see myself is clever wei =D)

18!!!!!

Has grown up and felt that i look mature!! =D

Just to enlighten you all bout my childhood photoes C=

Obviously I look different now XD

累了...

最近因为忙功课没时间上部落格..
我想应该有好几个月了吧~
只有在这里我觉得最自在..
能把心里的不满说出来=)

最近觉得好失落..
莫名其妙就会不开心..
我的不开心也只能在没有人的时候显现出来
或许是因为不想多做解释
也或许已经习惯这样了..
有时候甚至有轻生的念头呢...
压抑真的好痛苦..
真的好想能在难过时有个人来倾听
现实的社会...谁又愿意抽空来当你的倾听者呢?
大家都忙的不可开交了..哪有这么闲听你说废话
觉得好空虚..好像全世界都抛弃你那样..
好想有个抱抱...好无奈....

叹~
突然好期待世界末日的来临
不知道为什么~

明天就是国庆日咯..
现在是12.30分
可听见很多鞭炮声...
我开心的是有公共假期..其余的..觉得没什么好兴奋

I have a lot of dreams , but it seems like my dreams are dwindling ,
I wish i could hold back on them to keep them firmly in my palm...

从以前的感情用事 - 现在的理智

我曾经是个非常 '感情' 用事的人
有了感情 , 就好了
朋友怎样都无所谓
去学校 , 老师们对身为巡察员的我那异样眼光
我都不在乎
还没成熟嘛...难免会犯错

随着时间的流逝
我发觉我变了
现在
反而是理智多过于感情

以前~
会因为喜欢的人喜欢别人而难过一整天
甚至一个年呢..=D
现在~
如果真的发生这种事
应该不会像以前那样了吧..
觉得不是没件事都能被控制
觉得不是没件事都能有好结果
有时老天爷无聊
想作弄你一下也没办法啊~

其实
有时侯我也想像其他女生一样
闹闹脾气
撒撒娇
可是 , 不管怎样我都做不到
因为那不是真正的我呀...(太理智咯..)
或许我太矜持了..
应该学学放松自己

难怪我有时觉得活的好累
都怪我咯...
完美主观意识太强了...
='/

HOT!

The mugginess of the climate nowadays is unpleasant
Damn HoT!
This is the sign of dooms day
Global Warming!
the effects that we all having now are :
- got headache
- become more frustrated and bad-tempered
- feel fatigue easily!
Argh~~

Rain please come and save us
Air-con still couldnt replace you...

好热好热...快快下雨啦~

To euu

Happy 18th Birthday Janis TYH! =>

( you're just perfect larh..=X)

Messed up

The feeling is terrible , horrible and insecure
Wandering what is going to be in your future
Shillyshally all the decisions
i am really sick of them

The high expectation from mother
I hate grouse , comparism
:' Who ask you got this result ?' , :' Why people can get scholarship but u cant?'
How am i going to answer all these?
Is not i am lazy , is not i was inattentive in class , is not i am not diligent enough
I have tried

Tell you that i want to study in KL
You say being a Q.S will not augur well for my future
but when the application week is over
you blame me..
Fine , i am wrong

How i wish i could get away from here for awhile
to somewhere that only has peacefulness
to somewhere that has no one to influence my thought
How i wish...

Now i realise
no matter how much people you know ,
or how many conquests you have made
You are still alone
Only you yourself know how you feel
nobody is there to suffer all these with you

Be strong ( thats the only word to console myself )

Its her - Doctor Death

Recently i read an article about her.

Nicknamed Dr Death

Born in Bangkok , Thailand and work as forensic pathologist

Its her - Dr Porntip Rojanasunan

To the best of my belief ,

Dr Porntip was educated in medical science at Ramathibodi Hospital at Mahidol University.

Then she discovered that being an ordinary doctor was not for her.

She took up forensic anthropology and pathology at Armed Forces Institute of Pathology in Washington DC.

Since the day she becomes a forensic pathologist

She has examined more than 10000 bodies to solve the puzzled criminal

Its not an easy job for a lady

To me , she is really brave and smart

Actually

Before i read the article about her , the feeling of her to me is not really good and unimpressive even though i know she is eminent over the world
This is because of the way she dress herself : dyed-hair , punky look with thick and colourful make-up on her face

Is this convenient for a doctor to wear so snazzily?

But now i understand. Everyone has the right to dress themselves according to their liking.She serves the society with her compassion in work .There is nix wrong to dress in any way.

What people see is how you do your part in your career to serve other people

To me , she has brought justice to the dead and peace to the people

=)

An extraordinary M-U-M

If you got a mum like this how would you feel and what would you do?




Three days ago
Me , my mum and my brother were watching television. When it comes to advertisement of a daughter buying gifts for their parents.. My mum started this conversation with us two :



Mum : My birthday is coming soon...i dont want things like last year happen liao ha...

Me & bro : =.=''

Mum : eh i want mixed nuts again..neh the one you two buy for me on Mothers' Day one ah..

Bro : I no money liao la... where got people birthday force people buy thing for her one


Mum : Huh! i spent so much money on u people..my birthday give me something also difficult la ( when she say like that , you know her meaning liao la hor...)


I kept quite. My bro and i got a quick eye-contact. We know her. How could we dont buy? We had actually share money to buy a cake for her with a little bit of special decoration on the cake.

Three days after
Today is my mum's birthday
When my sis back from college ,we gathered at the living room with her birthday cake.


Actually it started like this :


Mum : Da jie back le...faster take the cake out for me liao ( she came out from her room with make-up and wear nicely too )


I just sat beside to observe her...( i really wander how come there is such a person in this world )
When the cake is ready on the table , we all sat around her and look at her.

Mum : Eh u all faster sing birthday song for me liao...and adrain come help me take photo

Bro : haiya u dont always move la..u see the photo so blur~!


Mum : i see i see...this one not nice.. take pretty one o! ( while herself still busy posing with the

cake )


Me : haiya u take so nicely want let who see ?! U married liao.. and ur friends will see de meh?

Bro : Yaloh..u want let who see?

Mum : haiya dont talk so much , faster sing song and take photo for me

=.=''''''''

The four pigs stand for 4 of us with the two a little bit huge pigs stand for mum and dad.This cake is yam-flavoured one.

She said : haiyo why buy this cake , i say i want got jelly de leh

Sis : Dis is jelly yam cake la~!

Me : Haiya , we buy for you also want grumble..didnt buy also grumble

Mum : no...i dont grumble..i just say only ma...Next time dont buy this one la...

( It means grumble already ok =='' )

Sometimes i really feel headache to have a mum like this..and to cope with her there is only one way

~ENDURANCE ~

Anyway.....

Happy Birthday Mum....=')

D-a-M-a-I

Im back.
I went damai resort my ex-classmates
Irene , tasha , stef , wen , terry , nick , choong , duns , hugh and me
We had a wonderful time except being disturbed by those stupid alarm around 4a.m.
I want to sleep comfortably also difficult~!
( blame that naughty nick =.='' )

The block where we stay


Our room




( girl cosmetics' table =D )



After swimming ( argh hw i wish i could get rid of that flabby arms )

After that , i went to the beach with irene while the rest still busy took turns to take bath..





What a beautiful scenary ( its sunset )








<3>

Our photographer ( Terry ) =Q






Guess which one is me? XD ( obvious la )

We went for McD before we went home
Arg...Then..i got sick
zzz...fever + sore throat + headache

Anyway..its a nice trip~! =)

Song Of Mine

I saw you yesterday
The feeling was undescribable
Happy sad angry ?
I cant figure them out

The moment you saw me
you turn your head to the other side
Yeah it seems impolite
I could say

The overall of you
i could see
physically and spiritually
has changed
The old you..?
has vanished

If i could get back to the past
i would choose the other way
well ,
there is no point to say this now
we can never reverse our time

this is reality
we all just have to accept
things that happen in our life


Arg~! simply taip..LOL...i don't even know where is the chorus..=P

First Outing afta 1 week of holiday

Went the Spring today. Had a quite nice day although we spent most of our time walking from shop-to-shop.



Wen and Ah Ni



Jenny



Ah NI




Me and Jenny ( we are caught photo-ing in Padini , the security guard approach us suddenly and warn us not to take any photo there =.='')



Captured this at Padini fitting room. Its me.( Red~! My favourite colour~~But the T-shirt and the trousers cost RM 100..=/)



After i went home i show this photo to my mum and asked if she could buy for me..

she replied:' oh..wait till your birthday then i buy lo'
I say :' oh..then i don't want liao..i want money for my birthday better '
In my heart i am sighing :' Haiz..don't want then i save money and buy my own lo..' so kolian...

I am Sorry!

I didnt mean it....T.T

Dainty

Those are high heels designed by eminent fashion designers

" Prada " , " Chanel " and " Dior " branded wei

So elegant

I gotta have them when i got money in the future~!
XD

A song that spirited me up

The first time i heard of this song is from my sister's ipod. It has been quite sometimes i have not heard of this song. Even now when i am listening to it , i got goosebump. >.< Well , this song liven me up during my turbulent time.



Someone's Watching Over Me



Through this song , i learnt that we must not abdicate so easily in our life~! =))

Lovely =)

My 3 cousins overnight at my place here today
The youngest one 9 years old whereas the oldest one already 14 years old
Well , this pc is on for 12 hours since 10am in the morning as 3 of them keep take turns to play facebook
=.='' this is how facebook influence their life..( everyone's life i guess )
I just gotta tolerate them for this as their dearest daddy restrict them from surfing the internet
He wants them to focus on their studies if im not mistaken
I think i will do the same to my children in the future
Hahaha~!
It depends on how well they perform in their exam lu..=D




Its me..XO



Me and the youngest one ( his name is valentine )



Me and tiff



Bro , tiff and me



The four of us.. the oldest one still busy playing facebook outside =.=''

I had a lovable day with them..Gotta miss them after this..='(