难过。。。

我好难过。。。为什么我连这样也会做不好。。 我很努力了。。已经做好十足的准备了却还是没有成功。。我到底是哪里出问题了。。？
我记得我明明有向耶稣求救，请求他帮我。。让我不紧张。。可是为什么我还是不能控制自己。。

为什么要让我睡不着，让我生病，让我不能集中精神。。。
我好气你啊。。真的好气。。为什么没有在我很需要你的时候帮我。。。
可是这一切都过了。。
好希望你能抱抱我。。叫我振作起来。。。那是不可能的吧。。。因为这都过掉了。。不管现在说什么，都没有用了。。因为该哭的都哭了。。该伤我的都伤了。。我也会忘记的。。

算了。。我只能故做坚强。。跟自己说：“ 加油米雪！！这只是小事罢了， 那是善意的谎言！”

我只希望我相信的人。。不会背叛我。。让我失望。。 :)

Dishearten Me

Today we got back our test papers.
This is the very first time i failed in my exam
Well , i failed my maths paper.
To be honest , i thought i can do well in my paper 1 which i was able to complete most of the questions
Out of my expectation , i did badly...='(

Our MUET teacher ( a considerate person ), tell us a lot of examples of whom she knows that also gone through form 6 before.

She says : ' If you think you really cant take this , you better runaway.'
Mulling over and over , how i wish i can leave.But...where can i go? I have no direction of which path to go for , NONE.!

When i reached home , i saw my mum washing dishes in the kitchen
I didnt know how to tell my mum about my result
so i think i'd better just keep quiet~
until she approached and asked me

Mum : ' How is your result?'

Me: ' I fail my maths '

Mum:' HA?! '

I didnt reply , i was just too lazy to answer her.

Then before she went to work she asked me to come forward and tell her bout the detail of my academic performance.

She didnt scold me but say is good enough as i only fail one subject since this is my very first time ==''

Actually i would want to seek some advices from her about whether should leave form 6 or not
Her respond shows very clearly that she wants me to continue form 6..( speechless )

The whole noon i was thinking bout this
SO TOUGH! HOW CAN I GET THROUGH THIS??!!

I started to feel despair.
I have no courage to study hard like what i did in form 5~
In form 5 , i study hard in the hope of getting scholarship to have the opportunity to get into university
But i get nothing in the end..
Form six is totally different
This is not the same like A level
Yes A-level is tough but STPM is tougher
You can always resit for your paper if you fail when u are studying in uni , unlike form 6 , you just have to throw out everything that u have learnt throughout these years in just a few hours.
What more can you say ? OH please just admit that STPM is much harder than A-level then
Form 6 is not the same like SPM which i have the confidence to score
This is STPM , what if i struggle so hard and still couldn't get what i want?

This always happen in Malaysia
Yeah , where Malays and Bumiputeras are to be prioritized
What to do?

Just ENDURE AND MOVE ON~

I surrender everything to you Lord , i know You will show me the way :)

The Past and The Present

I was shocked when i found this picture,
murmured: ' People take picture you sneeze! Plus why are you so fat??! '
( Luckily you are still young =S)

I felt a little bit uneasy when i look at this second photo
grumbling: " Who put on lipstick on lips?! and why is there a big hibiscus around my ear=='
( Perhaps this is the fashion at that time =X )

I laughed all the way when it comes to this picture

that time i must be thinking : ' Yea~i am the prettiest girl in this world'

( look at the way i smile , full of confidence! =D )

I felt happy as think this photo shows the best attire among all

why you so happy? Perhaps i felt high as thats the first time i went to the muzeum =D

Act Cute XD
I got no idea why am i posing that way, should never do this at this age

Or else , it looks awkward la =Q

Formal + a little bit sad wei ==

but at least this one is much normal and it shows that i am clever too
( LOL ! wondering how can i see myself is clever wei =D)

18!!!!!

Has grown up and felt that i look mature!! =D

Just to enlighten you all bout my childhood photoes C=

Obviously I look different now XD

累了...

最近因为忙功课没时间上部落格..
我想应该有好几个月了吧~
只有在这里我觉得最自在..
能把心里的不满说出来=)

最近觉得好失落..
莫名其妙就会不开心..
我的不开心也只能在没有人的时候显现出来
或许是因为不想多做解释
也或许已经习惯这样了..
有时候甚至有轻生的念头呢...
压抑真的好痛苦..
真的好想能在难过时有个人来倾听
现实的社会...谁又愿意抽空来当你的倾听者呢?
大家都忙的不可开交了..哪有这么闲听你说废话
觉得好空虚..好像全世界都抛弃你那样..
好想有个抱抱...好无奈....

叹~
突然好期待世界末日的来临
不知道为什么~

明天就是国庆日咯..
现在是12.30分
可听见很多鞭炮声...
我开心的是有公共假期..其余的..觉得没什么好兴奋

I have a lot of dreams , but it seems like my dreams are dwindling ,
I wish i could hold back on them to keep them firmly in my palm...

从以前的感情用事 - 现在的理智

我曾经是个非常 '感情' 用事的人
有了感情 , 就好了
朋友怎样都无所谓
去学校 , 老师们对身为巡察员的我那异样眼光
我都不在乎
还没成熟嘛...难免会犯错

随着时间的流逝
我发觉我变了
现在
反而是理智多过于感情

以前~
会因为喜欢的人喜欢别人而难过一整天
甚至一个年呢..=D
现在~
如果真的发生这种事
应该不会像以前那样了吧..
觉得不是没件事都能被控制
觉得不是没件事都能有好结果
有时老天爷无聊
想作弄你一下也没办法啊~

其实
有时侯我也想像其他女生一样
闹闹脾气
撒撒娇
可是 , 不管怎样我都做不到
因为那不是真正的我呀...(太理智咯..)
或许我太矜持了..
应该学学放松自己

难怪我有时觉得活的好累
都怪我咯...
完美主观意识太强了...
='/

HOT!

The mugginess of the climate nowadays is unpleasant
Damn HoT!
This is the sign of dooms day
Global Warming!
the effects that we all having now are :
- got headache
- become more frustrated and bad-tempered
- feel fatigue easily!
Argh~~

Rain please come and save us
Air-con still couldnt replace you...

好热好热...快快下雨啦~